This is for him..

I stare at the tile covered ground hoping, praying no one could hear how fast my heart was thumping.
Could this really be? Is he really gone? I thought with lumps in my throat clumping.
A tear rolled from my eye, down to my cheek and onto the tile covered floor.
Trying so hard to be strong, but not really knowing what for.
I sat in my room and stared at the wall as life, as time kept going on without him.
As if he never existed.
My first friend I made in Junior high was gone.
Just like that.
No explanation, no goodbye, no warning.
I got a text from a friend later that next morning.
I couldn't believe what I'd read.
On my screen a text saying "I'm sorry to say, but your friend is dead."
Later that evening, at a church right by his house
A meeting was held, the room so silent you could not hear a thing no not even a mouse
Stranger after friend after jock went up and spoke, reminiscing, remembering
As for me, I sat, trying with everything  in me not to cry
People would ask if I was ok,  I would shake my head yes.. But even they knew hat was a lie.
He's still gone and it hurts like hell.
But I'll keep living on, for him, until that final bell.
If he would have known all the pain that he caused, would he still be here?
Maybe if he.. If they knew how much love they had, things could have been more clear.