People Help The People

Standing on the outside looking in
at all of these broken people
Pretending to be
somebody they're not

 I remember what that felt like,
to be broken...

There seemed to always be someone to impress
Always someone looking down on you
And not even the strongest drug could fix
the sadness that ran through you

Being with so many people
yet feeling completely alone
Having long conversations
about absolutely nothing
It was like
Going to the most amazing restaurants
and only ordering a side salad

I took a couple steps back and realized
There's so much more to life than which side of the knight you sit on
And what your social status was in High School

Sometimes all we need is a reality check to help you realize that life's good, and if it isn't then take a few steps back and maybe then you'll see why.

Help me be whole again

my heart aches for you
the way the moon aches for the suns light
Because without you it's just dark
I feel shattered and broken
and you're the only one who can put me back together

But I ache most of all to be whole
As myself
and not with you
I need to feel like I'm worth more than a cheap date and a kiss goodnight
My happiness shouldn't depend on whether or not I got a text from you that day
But it does..

So this is goodbye

So long my friend

    Be

Because I've never loved anything more than I love the moon.
Because like the moon I'm so timid,
Hiding the best parts of myself away from the world.

You know me as La Luna,
But I know me as the girl that Kisses too often
And loves too deeply
The girl that drives too fast And walks too slow
The girl that Yearns to be happy
But does nothing about it
The girl that has Looked and looked for Paris
But has yet to find it
Because of La Luna I've finally closed open wounds
And have learned that it's okay to open up and share

So I beg you to sit and stay awhile
There are so many drafts un-posted
Still so many words unsaid
And so many laughs yet to share
Because the best of life has yet to start
Wth love,
Kayla Foote                  

Lost Heart, contact me if found

Your hear beats up to 144,000 times per day. 
It's what keeps us alive and breathing
Every feeling that we feel and every feeling that we don't
Yet we give our hearts away to people who will just hurt and misuse them
Who will treat them no different than they would a piece of garbage

 

I met a boy and thought he cared 
So I opened up with him and shared
He stole my heart and didn't give it back
When I realized what had happened
 It was already too late, and my insides were just black
I found it lying out on the street 
All bruised and broken,
I put it back
 Misused and mistreated but, it still continued to pump for me

To friends I've hurt

Dear old friends who I've hurt,

It wasn't you, it was me. I found myself locked inside my own dark mind. Not able to find the key, not able to escape. So I grew distant and didn't want you around anymore. I kept blaming you for everything that went wrong in life because you weren't there. But I pushed you out and didn't give you a key to get back in. And I'm here to say, I'm sorry. I know you have already moved on with different friendships, as you should. But I want you to know, no matter how much you ignore me or how mean you can be, I will always  have a special place in my heart for you. No your label in my heart is not under "Best Friend" but under "someone who I needed at that moment." So thank you and I'm sorry. 

Love, LaLuna

Here's a Haiku to...

Number 32
You only pretend to care
Now we never speak

Date at the skate park
We kissed and looked at the lights
And I felt nothing

Drive up the canyon
Turns out you loved the mirror
more than you loved me

We made a good team
Just not playing basketball
A forced kiss I liked

You held my hand and
Whispered into my ear, 2 hour
drive but you still came

Never wore clothes twice
Wanna be hipster with a
bad taste in music

You kissed my scars and
taught me how to drive a stick
Now we are strangers

We hiked a mountain
I looked into your eyes and
Saw into your soul

You could throw a ball
But couldn't spit game so you
hid behind a screen

Nice clothes and fake hair
Looked inside and saw nothing
Just a pretty face

Green bottles and pills
I let you escape without me
Passed out on the ground

Date to the movie
Nothing was ever the same
And you held me close

I thought I loved you
 I cried when you left but you
came back and... Nothing

Used to be best friend
Never there unless boys were
Who are you again?

Sweet and innocent
Your enemies now best friends
I saw straight through that

People are scared of things that are broken

Sitting home alone on a Friday night dreading to go back to school with the people who make me feel the way I do.
Invisible.
Worthless.
Because people are scared of things that are broken.
But I'd rather be at school with the people who've betrayed and hurt me the most than having to face the fact that I really am alone
I fear being alone.
When I'm alone it's just me and my endless amounts of thoughts
Thoughts that should never be thought
That do nothing but tear me down and literally break me from the insdie out
I find myself feeling depressed for no reason at all
And no one to tell me life will get better
Throughout highschool I couldn't even begin to imagine how it would feel to be invisible and alone
To walk down the hallway with your head down and headphones in to avoid awkward stares
But things have changed
Friends are now strangers
I no longer look forward to the weekends
And things that once made me happy, don't
And I walk down the hallway with my head down,.. and headphones in

A plant left to die

You gave me a plant
And I let it die
Because like our relationship, it's slowly fading to nothing
I feel a pang of loneliness knowing what comes next
The non-stop thinking of you
"Not knowing what you had until you lost it"
Stalking your social media accounts just to see if you've moved on
It makes me feel small
Like a flower among endless amounts of weeds
You consumed me like I was nothing
Like I was your coffee in the morning

I guess you did always like your coffee a little bitter..

Alive; living, not dead

Alive; living, not dead.

So we beat on (grand theft poetry)

Brick by brick

I've built myself up

With words and phrases

That fit together

If not, it is no longer a wall and 
will be left to decay in the rain.

Why is that?

My dear, I don't give a damn

Don't tell me what I can and cannot do 

One notion entered her mind and she could not shake it

But that just frightened away the shy ones

Although nothing I can do in the present can take away the mistreatment of the past the way I carry myself in the present determines how I carry forward the memories of those mistreatments 

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

Today is the tomorrow that we were dreading yesterday

But I am always nearby

I like it best here at the end of spring, after the rains. 

She grabbed her library card and

He looked at the blank pages of the notebook

Who needs air anyways

It's half past midnight love 

And I can't see you

It's a dust storm and you blend right in 

You were supposed to be the air to my lungs

So when you're not here I have to settle for not breathing

You said I was like rain in a drought 

But baby you are a hurricane 

Because the way you make me feel can't be tamed

As time went on I woke up and realized..

I don't like to get wet

If I were to die today

If I were to die today would anyone even notice?
Would anyone even care?

Would my mom miss the way that I'm never on time for curfew
Or my dad miss how I always ran out of gas and needed his help
Would my sisters miss how I always borrowed their clothes without asking
Or would they miss how loud and obnoxious my singing was
I know they would.

I wonder if my friends would even notice that I'm gone, because they don't even notice when I'm here
I sit in a crowded room full of my best friends..
Why do I feel like they are nothing but strangers?
Maybe it's because that's how they treat me.
They're the ones that said "I will always be there for you"
They lied.
Where are you now?
If I were to die today you would cry and say that "I was your best friend, that you cared about me so much"
But you never treated me that way.

People are fragile and when they've been dropped too many times they will start to break.

This isn't a suicide note
Just a cry for help

People aren't born sad, we make them that way

I feel.
I know I'm not a Robot because Robots don't feel.
And I for one, feel everything.
I feel numbness
When you are just simply here, living life but not truly living it.
Until you find your purpose again.
Then suddenly you remembered that you loved how the warm sun felt on your skin
And how the mountains looked in the fall
And how the moon makes you feel so lucky to be alive looking at it
You find yourself happy with the little things
You find yourself happy with just being you

Sometimes you can feel like you're a robot looking into a mirror and not recognizing the face staring back at you.
It's because the world is getting to you with all their talk saying;
"You're not good enough" "You're not strong enough" "You're not skinny enough"
When they themselves aren't happy with who they are.
Listening to what they have to say will only make you cold and vain causing you to lose sight of who you are.
Don't let the world change you.
Find your purpose, find your light that will cast away the shadows.
Don't be that person that looks into the mirror and only see's a strangers face.

Divorce

Moving from house to house is never easy.
With new moms or dads you'd be better off not knowing.
Packing and re-packing bags. 
At a point I thought just to leave my stuff in a bag because we won't be there long
They say "A house isn't a home until you make it." But how can I do that when I barely have time to breathe.?
When I barely know the stranger that sleeps in the room next to me? 

My mind keeps wandering back to the house that I grew up in
The house where I learned how to ride a bike, where I lost my first and last tooth
Where I had my first sleepover, held hands with a boy for the first time
When I found out that Santa Clause wasn't real, but the magic of Christmas still was
Where we brought home then later put down our first dog
But most importantly when my family was still a "family"
The house that literally built every part of me, was taken away from us, from me
Now that that's all gone I feel like part of me has gone with it


They say divorce gets easier with time, but they lied.
You just get more used to the fact that nothing will ever be the same again.
That's when i realized.. It's not the house we hang on to, it was the people inside it. 

Song: House that built me, Miranda Lambert

Fairy Tales

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist,
but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."
-G. K. Chesterton

Childhood where did you go?

I got home around 2:30am heartbroken.
Feeling worthless and unwanted. I know it wasn't true but they were just re-occurring thoughts that ran through my head that day.
Why couldn't life be more simple. Like back when missing your favorite cartoon on Sunday nights was your biggest worry.
Or practicing the piano for exactly 30 minutes so you could go play night games with the neighbor kids until your parents yelled "time for bed!"
Back when you wore a green shirt with orange pants with your hair in a mess and didn't care what you looked like, because you did it all yourself.
When you looked forward to everyday and not just the weekends.
Back when kids would rather be outside playing than inside on their phones.
Somebody please tell me, where did those times go?
We've dreamed all our childhood lives about being older.
And now that we are... I just want my crayons back.

This is for him..

I stare at the tile covered ground hoping, praying no one could hear how fast my heart was thumping.
Could this really be? Is he really gone? I thought with lumps in my throat clumping.
A tear rolled from my eye, down to my cheek and onto the tile covered floor.
Trying so hard to be strong, but not really knowing what for.
I sat in my room and stared at the wall as life, as time kept going on without him.
As if he never existed.
My first friend I made in Junior high was gone.
Just like that.
No explanation, no goodbye, no warning.
I got a text from a friend later that next morning.
I couldn't believe what I'd read.
On my screen a text saying "I'm sorry to say, but your friend is dead."
Later that evening, at a church right by his house
A meeting was held, the room so silent you could not hear a thing no not even a mouse
Stranger after friend after jock went up and spoke, reminiscing, remembering
As for me, I sat, trying with everything  in me not to cry
People would ask if I was ok,  I would shake my head yes.. But even they knew hat was a lie.
He's still gone and it hurts like hell.
But I'll keep living on, for him, until that final bell.
If he would have known all the pain that he caused, would he still be here?
Maybe if he.. If they knew how much love they had, things could have been more clear.

Hats?

I've been blankly staring at my keyboard for quite some time now,
trying to find the right words to say.
HATS
H-A-T-S
A

T

S

That's the assignment right? To write about the word "hats"?

Or do we write about the person that's in the hat?

The places that the hat has gone?

Perhaps all the thinking and daydreaming that has gone on inside that hat?

Where, when, or how you got your hat?

Maybe even all the heads your hat has been on? (Gross)

There could be great significant meaning to some behind the word hats.

But for me it's just another word used to describe the piece of material that's on my head.

Hats.

Unexpected

I never thought senior year would come. But here it is.
The year we've looked forward to all our lives is already 3 weeks in.

 Our last everything.

The big finale. 

We thought all our problems would vanish, like we would know who our true friends were, what we wanted to do in life, where we wanted to go to college, what we wanted to study, etc.

 But here we are almost as clueless as we were 5 years ago starting junior high.

Unexpectedly confused and discouraged life isn't what we imagined it to be.

This is for you

This is for you,

For the kids that look like they fit in, but know they don't.

 

The ones that thinks life couldn't get any worse, and then it does.

To the kids that seem to always have a smile on their face, but not when they're alone.

 

To the quiet ones in a group of nothing but noise, with so much to say, but no one takes time to listen.

 

But most of all this is for me.

 

Life is hard.

 

But life is good.

 

I promise it gets better.

 

So keep on walking.

 

Keep on loving.

 

Keep on living.

 

Keep on being you.